Yes I am Back...for sure this time....A Year Later...

Yes I am back...one year after losing my dad...this blog will be a short one...I have 2 granddaughters with me this morning as Journey was not feeling well...so it is very busy in the house today...it has been a year of soul searching...trying to figure it all out...not sure that will ever happen...bring the blog back to basics...it is about being slightly over middle age..having raised my children...so lucky to still have my 22 year old daughter still living with us...she is the baker... also know as Aunt Mimi...I keep my 2 granddaughters every day as their parents are teachers...so join me on a daily ride...as laundry is back on the line...later tonight ...i will post more...have a great day :)

YES...I am back....Why...i will get to that.....

After a lot of soul searching and 6 months later...i am back at it...why...that's a good question...i miss my blogging...i feel like is was being held back...people seemed to read my blog and figure out if it was all about them...mostly it was not...felt sometimes like i could not always put what i wanted out there...so after my posting on christmas eve..i decided to take a month off and just decided after the new year what i wanted to do...and the rest is history... mid january i learned that my dad was having some medical issues...so i had planned to spend spring break with my dad and mom...a visit way over do... between being here with my boys through their school and college days...home-schooling our beautiful daughter...and providing a safe and loving home during the day for our granddaughters while their parents were at work...somehow i got so caught up in growing up and trying to be the best mom and ginny...i forgot my parents were getting older...i talked to my mom almost daily...usually knew what they were having for dinner...probably knew more about them that those closer in surroundings...yes i am sure my parents know or knew how much i love or loved them...but...my regrets are many... from the point i planned my return trip the date was moved up twice...as my fathers condition seemed to be worsening...being sure in the fact my parents would never go in a nursing home...i booked the flight for feb. 13 by then i figured i and my siblings could figure out what my dad would need and ...i would do whatever needed to my it work for my mom and dad...my brother was going to oversee taking my dad to his treatments and i was prepared to move home to make everything work out...hoping i could do 3 to 4 weeks there ...my sister do 3 to 4 weeks until his treatments were over and we had him back on his feet...believe me i was going to make this work...i owed it to my parents and it was a promise i had made to myself... my parents were a team..they would always be together...to the end...i do not believe in nursing homes...my grandmother was put in one..another story for another day...this was my time to step up and i wanted to do it...my family here would be fine...yes it would be hard ..but those closest to me knew...this was the time to do what made me happy...well ..on feb 11 my dad took a turn for the worse and although he knew i was coming...i was not there...and he died on feb. 12...it was the worse trip i could ever make...no longer was it a trip to see and support my daddy...i was going back to bury my dad...my mom had lost her soul mate...that team was not divided...no more knowing dad was there to look after mom...and mom not needing to look after dad...and i never told him goodbye...because he was never to die in my eyes...boy did i screw up...and please do not comment on this blog or private message me...i do not want your pity ...this is not about poor me.... i landed in salisbury to the loving arms of my brother...everyone was kind to me...more so than they should have been...except for one person...you see my parents have two dogs benji and buddy...they are very protective dogs...you see as i entered my parents home...my old home... buddy the dachshund...jumped up and bite me in the thigh...you see he was at least honest with how he felt about me...never really told or showed my mom the bite...so lets not tell her now..she had been through enough then... and that can be our little secret... i will tell you that was at 11:00 at night and by mid-day the next day... he and i were buddies for sure ..i even won benji over and he slept with me one night...i stayed 10 days with my mom...tried to help her...but the truth is i think i needed her more than she needed me...over the next few blogs i will tell you abut going home again...and yes i just got back from spending yet another 10 days with my mom...and i will be back....she is so strong...and she has benji and buddy...and my wonderful brother that checks in on her everyday...not because he has to...but because he wants to...and to be honest...i still call everyday...sometimes 3 times a day...not to check on her..but because i need to hear her voice....yes all about me AGAIN...i am afraid i will dial her one day and she may have changed her number...she may get sick of my calls...lol...lets hope not...so if you are still able to see one or both your parents...do it ASAP...sometimes there is never a tomorrow....miss you daddy....wished you could have squeezed my fingers... as only you ever did...and said thats my girl one more time.................................................................................................................................................

Chilly Christmas Eve...in kansas

I am a big lover of christmas eve...and i love that it is the evening that we do our present exchange with mark's family...the girls are just so much fun...and journey is just the perfect age for christmas...she is so excited...and is just so full of energy...love it...felicity has no idea...but i know she must feel the excitement with all the lights and the added energy that her older sister journey provides to us all...i hope you all have a wonderful cristmas eve as well...and you all get to spend it with your family as well :)

SO Love my Daughter :)

She is just a gift....she is a fighter...a will to live since the day she was born...she is perfect and she is my daughter...i see so much of my grandmother in her...the love the strength...so far wiser than her years...and just beautiful...since she was able to talk...i think she has known my heed for her..as she made me a promise to never leave me...and she has held true to her word...a long time ago a very wise woman that i did her hair... miss irene boston...told me that no parent should ever out live their child...michelle is that miracle baby...who keeps beating the odds...she is so lucky to have a dad that stood by her side and rubbed her feet...when i just could not...and a brother that took the time to teach her so much ...to hold a spoon...to sit ...to crawl and to walk...her brother mark has always been there... he knew when i was at my breaking point...she could be a handful...a good handful...and now she is paying him back...cause she is the perfect aunt mimi for his two little girls....they keep her on her toes for sure...i love my daughter with all that is in me...she is just a very good thing...and simply the best :) enjoy your day all ...

Call it catching up saturday....

my things that i love or make me happy ...have gotten away from me...partly because i am so busy...my granddaughters take a lot of my time....which is a good thing...this time of the year is a busy one for everyone...and the last few days my baby maxi has been sick...so the morning was spent at the vets...all will be well soon ... a change in her diet...and the vet feels that she may be stressed...she helped me when i was at my wits end ..i will be there for her :) Now on to the things that make this old lady happy..... Dec 11...i love white t-shirts with my jeans...both long and short sleeved Dec 12...i love white leather tennis shoes...with my jeans and white t-shirts...although i have worn some funky colors in tennis shoes recently...for the last 6 months i have been a shoe tester...so i test what i am sent... Dec 13...my best friends...i have one here and we do not always get a chance to speak to each other...but when i need her ...she is always there for me...we both have always put our families first...so sometimes our calls are cut short...but we..are always fine with that...she is just awesome :) i have another best friend in md....always just a phone call away...and she and i share a past...funny to think about sometimes...the things we did...the guys we dated...the choices we made...and why...and how those choices once again...keep our friendship tight... Dec 14...my hair dresser michele gage...always works me in...love my visits with her...she is just a wonderful person...thanks Sis ...for suggesting her.. Dec 15...being a ginny...got to go to my granddaughters pre-school play...went to her first ballet recital...she did an awesome job :) Dec 16...so glad alan chose the right company to work for...he brings a lot to the table...and they seem to be very happy with their choice in him... Dec 17...am so happy that my son mark got his dream job of teaching graphic design..and i feel he is a gift to his students...just like he is a gift to me...always love to see him... he is a good thing... Dec 18...i love my bed...alan built it it is beautiful and it is so comfortable...my bedroom is a happy place for me..it has many pictures that remind me of home :) Dec 19...this one is kind of odd for me to admit...i have driven many cars, trucks and jeeps over the years...but i have found myself lately to love driving a truck...not such a car person...i love our {alan's} truck...he has a company vechicle...so the truck was sad being parked in the garage...so i use it to keep it happy :) Dec 20...i love that my son's are grown up...and have found employment in the fields that they love and went to college for... Dev 21...i love getting packages from home...they always smell like home...and that is a good thing... Day 22...i love having a good vet...that is always so willing to work with me...and i can not forget...the wonderful groomer that i have found for maxi...maxi loves her that i can tell...she does a great job on her...and i trust her with maxi...that is something that is earned...maxi is a big part of my heart...maxi kept me sane through one of the darkest times of my life...no one really can understand that...now that i am not as dependent on her...she is troubled by that...so i have to remember to be there more for her...even when i am busy...i will play needy.... see what i mean...catch up saturday...night all...off to do something with my family :)

VERY...VERY...cold monday

it was so cold here today...i just could not get warm...really having trouble to think of something to be happy... happy... happy... for...or something i love...today has just not found me in the best of spirits...not for any one reason...so i am happy that i do not have to be happy everyday and i am not afraid to say so...i am worried that my daughter is not getting well as soon as i had hoped...i am worried about a dear friend...it is ok...to have an off day...i will be that much happier when i have a happy day...so today i am happy about it being ok not to have a perfect day....now i hope all of you have had a happy day...luv just me :)

Cold and Windy Sunday...

It was getting cold yesterday as the temps fell through out the day...and the winds were picking...but I went out yesterday and decided to do some couponing ....which is one of the things that I love to do and makes me happy...I love to save money...I just wish I had taken a picture of my purchases...I went to dillions and wal-greens...... I did really well...I purchased: 2 cream cheese 18 count eggs 2 packs of nestle toll house cookies 92 count pack of huggies 4 red delicious apples dole salad mix 16 oz. cottage cheese 12 boxes of gel-pack finish {for the dishwasher} {2} 16 oz package of oscar meyer bacon {3} 50 count boxes of sandwich bags and I ended up making a profit of $26.00 by the time I was done...not too bad for an old lady...something I love to do...couponing...its a good thing :)